Wow, I have not written in a while! Well, the guy - let's call him Russian Alcoholic - did call (unfortunately). And we had been dating for the last two months. Then, a few nights ago - poof! It's getting too serious, I'm not enjoying it, blah blah blah. I won't even qualify it with a post. I dodged a bullet. Moving on.

I am sick and tired of feeling so fat. I look in the mirror, I hate my fat face. I take a picture, I hate my fat face. I do anything, I hate my fat face. I want to disappear into nothingness. I don't even have an eating disorder anymore. I have nothing. All I have is disgust. I don't have that drive, that passion, that fear of food that consumed me for six wonderful months. I'm not purging. I'm still bingeing sometimes, but not purging. I've got to get that back in my life, and then I will have something to focus on.

My goal tomorrow: Gross caloric consumption of 900 calories. I think I can do it.
Oatmeal: 150
Luna Bar: 150
Frozen veggies w/sauce: 200
Apple: 100
Orange: 100

Total: 700, with 200 calories to spare. I can do this!