Just dyed my hair dark brown. One month after I highlighted it blonde. Sure sign that things with a guy are over. I change my hair, buy a sexy new top I can't afford, and look forward to making out with someone new. Well, in this case, someone old-new. Or new-old. New-old sounds better. Was invited to a literary shindig buy a quiet brooding type I used to make out with during sophomore year of college. I can't remember much about my feelings towards him, except I liked making out with him. I honestly can't remember if I talked about him, obsessed over him, or even had a crush on him. It's blank. I do remember talking to him about my boyfriend at home (I know, I'm horrible), and him telling me about a girl he had a crush on. Oh, the dysfunction! I also remember my roomate drunkenly accosting him at a party, demanding that he treat me better. Ha. At least one of us was concerned about that. I remember riding in the elevator with him and roomie a few days after. That must have been the template for the awkward elevator rides in Grey's Anatomy. I can't wait to see him. Not to see him, but to show him how much I have changed. Sometimes I think that chubby insecure college headcase is in the past, and I have this new body and new wardrobe and new confidence. The confidence of someone married and divorced at 26, with 4 serious relationships behind her. But situations like CG put me back in my place. I haven't really changed. The body is a front, the clothes are a mask, and inside is same insecure little me. But boy, I can't wait to strut in, miniskirt and sexy top and heels. The look on his face! He always thought I was good looking, even back then, but now...

Who am I kidding, and who am I trying to lie to. I am mighty pissed about CG. Sad and disappointed. In the grand scheme of things, he is really nothing compared to some of the heartbreak I have survived. But it still sucks.