I was taking a very long, very hot shower, and for whatever reason began thinking about Zach. He was the first boy I really loved, and the first one who broke my heart. It was the first time I felt chemistry - heart stopping, stomach turning fire between two people. Our first kiss was magical. My skin tingled. The candle next to us danced. He stroked my stomach and said he had never felt skin so soft. He inhaled my scent and said he wanted to buy a bottle of my perfume so that, after I had gone back to school, he could still smell me. I remember his smell: cigarette smoke and Calvin Klein Obsession. I have never in my life, not before and not since, been so entranced and turned on by a man's scent.

He made me feel excited, depressed, worthless, hopeful, beautiful, lonely, sad, ecstatic. With one phone call, he could make me feel joy. One broken promise, despair. So many misunderstandings. Years later, he admitted he loved me back then, wanted to hold my hand, take me out, but felt small and scared. Hearing that just made me sad. I already had my closure.